Ever feel a little loopy on a mere 4 hours of sleep? At the same time does it seem to give a kind of ability to dance on the surface of reality, as if having slightly more perspective on the hard work and lifestyle choice that gave you those mere 4 hours?
Today I was enjoying that encompassing fuzzy feeling and realizing how much I really love when I look at images from the past and think to myself, I have never seen this before. This picture in front of me is completely new to me. Just when I think that I know where I'm going, I realize I still have very little idea about history. Well, maybe this is more novel to me because I have this theory that everything we need to know we already know, we just have to remember.
So specifically what brought me to these revelations of realizing how vast what I don't know is even in such an age of information?
I am not embarrassed to say, Sister Wendy's the history of painting, a picture in the New York Times of the the Magna Carta and of course any conversation with Rachel pertaining to how much fun she's learning about stuff to teach her kids, errr students.
Like bonobos and their GG rubbing.
Geez, life is weird.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
My favorite subject as usual: happiness
I imagine that the work I will be doing in grad school will have a great deal with thinking about happiness, perhaps how it relates to occupations, learning, perhaps how we run public schools, but on the most part, I think I want to be happy while making work that may be about that issue as well. What form does the work take on then?
On NPR, the BBC version I was hearing about the happiness formula and on the whole how being richer doesn't make one closer to happiness and it may have been a mistake to consider GDP and other economic factors as a part of fulfillment. I've always appreciated learning about 'flow' but I also was having some caffeine and realized that that's all I need to at times feel... a lot better.
There were some other striking moments in the happiness special on the radio, one being the origin of the word happiness with it's two meanings, one being contentment, say after a long day of work, and another being related to happenstance, or luck. It went on to describe that particular form of happiness needed an appropriate trigger of risk, and if it worked out, you could be considered happy, and if it didn't, you would be unlucky and unhappy.
It also went into Ben Franklin's 13 virtues which coincidentally went against much of what is considered normal to other Americans my age, be sincere, avoid multitasking, everything in moderation, avoid uncivil tense talk, when you need to work, work... those kinds of things.
The host also brought up some great points as well against the optimist in me, describing how it is usually those with great jobs that seem to find people that find contentment in their menial job however the way that we ask someone in the service of us is entirely patronizing and we are in a great meaningful position to look down from at others doing jobs that are done for other reasons that are not solely in terms of the pursuit of happiness but actually to possibly set a good example for their children or because they are left with no other options.
I was also very interested in how it described how a money = happiness model has turned schools into a bland workforce and how many changes in happiness would require a different kind of togetherness that looked towards our communities strengths as opposed to sitting pretty in our individual homes... I feel like I've always been on to something, but I can't figure out when it occurred to me that the most rewarding life is one where I tire myself out when trying to prove something to myself, surprises along the way of mundane assignments, or the idea that I could learn without being in school and it being an exciting thing to have more there is to learn... If I uncover those stories of mine, I may be a little closer to creating that work I've always been interested in making.
On NPR, the BBC version I was hearing about the happiness formula and on the whole how being richer doesn't make one closer to happiness and it may have been a mistake to consider GDP and other economic factors as a part of fulfillment. I've always appreciated learning about 'flow' but I also was having some caffeine and realized that that's all I need to at times feel... a lot better.
There were some other striking moments in the happiness special on the radio, one being the origin of the word happiness with it's two meanings, one being contentment, say after a long day of work, and another being related to happenstance, or luck. It went on to describe that particular form of happiness needed an appropriate trigger of risk, and if it worked out, you could be considered happy, and if it didn't, you would be unlucky and unhappy.
It also went into Ben Franklin's 13 virtues which coincidentally went against much of what is considered normal to other Americans my age, be sincere, avoid multitasking, everything in moderation, avoid uncivil tense talk, when you need to work, work... those kinds of things.
The host also brought up some great points as well against the optimist in me, describing how it is usually those with great jobs that seem to find people that find contentment in their menial job however the way that we ask someone in the service of us is entirely patronizing and we are in a great meaningful position to look down from at others doing jobs that are done for other reasons that are not solely in terms of the pursuit of happiness but actually to possibly set a good example for their children or because they are left with no other options.
I was also very interested in how it described how a money = happiness model has turned schools into a bland workforce and how many changes in happiness would require a different kind of togetherness that looked towards our communities strengths as opposed to sitting pretty in our individual homes... I feel like I've always been on to something, but I can't figure out when it occurred to me that the most rewarding life is one where I tire myself out when trying to prove something to myself, surprises along the way of mundane assignments, or the idea that I could learn without being in school and it being an exciting thing to have more there is to learn... If I uncover those stories of mine, I may be a little closer to creating that work I've always been interested in making.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Ranting about healthcare
I've been wondering if I have been obsessed lately with reading the news about the healthcare debate possibly because i'm displacing my responsibility about what really needs to happen with MY health. I've lowered my standards from even just reading the news to reading the comments about the news. To be honest about the health care bill, I want something that perhaps I don't understand in its entirety to happen because I feel like it'll make a lot of things ok. Maybe I'll worry less if it passes, maybe I'll go to the dentist more or the doctor more and be overall more preventative about a natural disaster that could happen to my body.
But there could be something sinister about it all too, would this give me less pause to consider the conditions of another person's life who has less than me? Would I pronounce that someone who doesn't take care of themselves is more proven to be ignorant because the healthcare is free and they could just as easily as me go and get help, but they won't, and they can only blame themselves?
Today I was having conversations with Rachel and Corrie about things seemingly unrelated, but related in that we were questioning what is at the core of the issues of our day that we rally behind? Stemming from how recycling and yoga is the beginning of creating a sense of community and slowing down we began to talk about what is environmentalism today really about (the conversation we had was about can we really curb consumption or are we doomed to employ some kind of overall band-aid). The conversations kept going between Rachel and Corrie and I stepped away for a second to watch a TED talk since Corrie had never ventured into that amazingly quick inspiring online world. I stumbled upon one about how does one nurture creativity. Elizabeth Gilbert's talk had this kind of tension throughout that was either because she had to cram pearls of wisdom into 18 minutes or because she really was in the moment struggling with trying to fend off the feelings of expectations from other people and herself of not being able to out do herself from her last 'freakishly popular book'. Her talk reminded me of how sometimes I displace my moments of 'genius' to reconciling it as being part of instinct, but not instinct from within, but instinct as a state of being that is in flux, one that can be nurtured as she said.
"Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work." - Rita Mae Brown
As we teach in education, you can practice to be able to do genius things more often but you won't always be a genius without practicing new challenging tasks that are just difficult enough, oh yeah, and doing so makes you happy. It's called flow.
Which brings me to the matter at hand. Flow is considered the psychological definition of happiness. (See: Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) And that's what missing from all debates that wrings it away from what I believe could be real change.
At least once each season each year, I would preach the importance of happiness. Even before I went to therapy and thought about other lessons I had to learn about myself, about how what is possibly most important is to know how to gain perspective, how to let go so you no longer judge yourself and remind yourself of how lucky you are that you have close people in your life that will never judge you because they like you who you are, regardless of what happens. I used to tell everyone that what was most important was happiness, and that if everyone had to go through some form of therapy with someone that they could trust and could just talk and talk and talk, there would be a new kind of normalcy, a healthy one, where people remember to work on being happier, and knowing how they are important and reflect on what has been good to them and what really bothers them, and where does that come from.
Can you imagine a world where everyone goes to therapy as if it's as normal as going to church and they get something out of it that they don't think twice about, because everyone goes to therapy.
And so back to the health debate. I get so caught up in the idea that there are two sides that I remember that everything has an issue that really does bother me in the mix, and the solution to it is usually the most difficult task that must be adopted on such a wide scale and on a personal level that it has more to do with a change in philosophy than a change in power. I want mental health for all, and doing what makes me happy is what I can do to promote what I believe is the most necessary change. It's something within my means, and at times is more difficult than I can describe to someone who believes that being an artist is exactly as it looks. Today, for probably about 8 hours I sat on a computer, surfing the internet, and now I feel like I figured out why.
--- --- ---
Other debates that can be boiled down to more important matters:
Pro-choice vs. pro-life, why are there so many unwanted pregnancies in the first place? Maybe abstinence isn't exactly the answer but why do we stress that we can change the world by deciding for others how they should deal with a personal nature that is in my mind an afterthought. We argue about something that has already happened, of course the debate will be heated, the point where you could keep a debate from happening is over. So there's that instead of stressing the importance of having sex with people you really care about, which I think it comes down to a matter of happiness again.
But there could be something sinister about it all too, would this give me less pause to consider the conditions of another person's life who has less than me? Would I pronounce that someone who doesn't take care of themselves is more proven to be ignorant because the healthcare is free and they could just as easily as me go and get help, but they won't, and they can only blame themselves?
Today I was having conversations with Rachel and Corrie about things seemingly unrelated, but related in that we were questioning what is at the core of the issues of our day that we rally behind? Stemming from how recycling and yoga is the beginning of creating a sense of community and slowing down we began to talk about what is environmentalism today really about (the conversation we had was about can we really curb consumption or are we doomed to employ some kind of overall band-aid). The conversations kept going between Rachel and Corrie and I stepped away for a second to watch a TED talk since Corrie had never ventured into that amazingly quick inspiring online world. I stumbled upon one about how does one nurture creativity. Elizabeth Gilbert's talk had this kind of tension throughout that was either because she had to cram pearls of wisdom into 18 minutes or because she really was in the moment struggling with trying to fend off the feelings of expectations from other people and herself of not being able to out do herself from her last 'freakishly popular book'. Her talk reminded me of how sometimes I displace my moments of 'genius' to reconciling it as being part of instinct, but not instinct from within, but instinct as a state of being that is in flux, one that can be nurtured as she said.
"Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work." - Rita Mae Brown
As we teach in education, you can practice to be able to do genius things more often but you won't always be a genius without practicing new challenging tasks that are just difficult enough, oh yeah, and doing so makes you happy. It's called flow.
Which brings me to the matter at hand. Flow is considered the psychological definition of happiness. (See: Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) And that's what missing from all debates that wrings it away from what I believe could be real change.
At least once each season each year, I would preach the importance of happiness. Even before I went to therapy and thought about other lessons I had to learn about myself, about how what is possibly most important is to know how to gain perspective, how to let go so you no longer judge yourself and remind yourself of how lucky you are that you have close people in your life that will never judge you because they like you who you are, regardless of what happens. I used to tell everyone that what was most important was happiness, and that if everyone had to go through some form of therapy with someone that they could trust and could just talk and talk and talk, there would be a new kind of normalcy, a healthy one, where people remember to work on being happier, and knowing how they are important and reflect on what has been good to them and what really bothers them, and where does that come from.
Can you imagine a world where everyone goes to therapy as if it's as normal as going to church and they get something out of it that they don't think twice about, because everyone goes to therapy.
And so back to the health debate. I get so caught up in the idea that there are two sides that I remember that everything has an issue that really does bother me in the mix, and the solution to it is usually the most difficult task that must be adopted on such a wide scale and on a personal level that it has more to do with a change in philosophy than a change in power. I want mental health for all, and doing what makes me happy is what I can do to promote what I believe is the most necessary change. It's something within my means, and at times is more difficult than I can describe to someone who believes that being an artist is exactly as it looks. Today, for probably about 8 hours I sat on a computer, surfing the internet, and now I feel like I figured out why.
--- --- ---
Other debates that can be boiled down to more important matters:
Pro-choice vs. pro-life, why are there so many unwanted pregnancies in the first place? Maybe abstinence isn't exactly the answer but why do we stress that we can change the world by deciding for others how they should deal with a personal nature that is in my mind an afterthought. We argue about something that has already happened, of course the debate will be heated, the point where you could keep a debate from happening is over. So there's that instead of stressing the importance of having sex with people you really care about, which I think it comes down to a matter of happiness again.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Oh man that episode when Lindsey tutors Daniel...
I don't have cable, but I still love TV...
Freaks and Geeks was probably the best thing on tv when it was on. It could have gone on for much longer, it was brilliant, but sometimes these kinds of projects are meant to be looked back on with pride as your first ideas in some of its purest forms. Even the actors who were on that short lived show had careers that seemed so fresh. Seth Rogen could not act, but look at him now! Some of these people after the show ended really took off and some we didn't hear much back from them again afterwards. What's amazing is that that idea of what happened to these actresses and actors in real life hits home, I think, with the politics of high school. If you were a 'minor character' in the high school popularity contests, you may have gone on to do some great things, maybe it was the new friends, maybe it was that you were finally challenged on your grounds. If you were at the top of your life when you were in high school, well then… that's kindof unfortunate to peak so early and for such a short period of time. Perhaps high school is meant to be seen as something that sucks but it's short and necessary, necessary in that you realize what you will never want to deal with ever again in adulthood. True blossoming happens once you get the hell out, because that's when you go from thinking about more than the light at the end of the tunnel.
(This is one of the few times I was interested in the 'where are they now' crap, but I mean, the cheerleader in F & G is going to be a stripper in an upcoming movie, doesn't that remind you of the moment when you realized that the girl being double penetrated in Requiem for a Dream was also in Labyrinth! I guess that's what happens when you grow up along with the people who are kids in those movies, one day both you and that actor/actress think to themselves, I bet someone would pay to see (insert actor/actress) in a sex tape. And then it happens.)
(This is one of the few times I was interested in the 'where are they now' crap, but I mean, the cheerleader in F & G is going to be a stripper in an upcoming movie, doesn't that remind you of the moment when you realized that the girl being double penetrated in Requiem for a Dream was also in Labyrinth! I guess that's what happens when you grow up along with the people who are kids in those movies, one day both you and that actor/actress think to themselves, I bet someone would pay to see (insert actor/actress) in a sex tape. And then it happens.)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Thoughts before going to Hawaii
My list of priorities when I travel:
1. read on the beach
2. exercise / explore
3. journal/reflect
4. eat and/or cook amazing food.
5. find places / galleries that may want to show my work
New priorities for the next 4 months: (my 'should do' list)
1. Read more, on the list TO FINISH, 'what we want is free', essays/interviews/etc from Judy Pfaff, Mikhail Bakhtin and 'work ethic' from a show at the Baltimore museum of art.
2. Don't do any personal art shows, but work in the studio every day for at least 2 hours.
3. Learn to listen for the upcoming collaborations, think about the concept of sharing skills and the creation and authenticity of trust.
4. Fail at least 5 times in creating something, which means, make the damn thing, and then talk yourself out of showing it, as opposed to talking yourself out of making it.
5. Make mock ups for locations for the guerrilla art project.
Things not on a to-do list that are upcoming (my 'would do' list):
a. taxes
b. artist webpages for: Wiley Macdowell, Mary Fortuna, Mario Moore and Andrew Thompsons
c. 'I don't believe in art, I believe in artists' show at Whitdel Arts in April
d. finish laser cut commission
For the sake of having a 'could do' list:
a. Find possible art shows for 2011 out of state
b. Find more people (interns?) to hand off my thedetroiter.com projects to
c. Fund raise for gradschool: make a series of postcards to sell? a book? posters/prints?
Past priorities from the last 4 months, how did I do?
Well... I lost where I put it, so... I guess I may have failed. I wrote it in September...
I think one of the propositions was to make 3 really large paintings... I may have failed at doing that one... oops.
If you would like to get postcard art from Hawaii, let me know.
1. read on the beach
2. exercise / explore
3. journal/reflect
4. eat and/or cook amazing food.
5. find places / galleries that may want to show my work
New priorities for the next 4 months: (my 'should do' list)
1. Read more, on the list TO FINISH, 'what we want is free', essays/interviews/etc from Judy Pfaff, Mikhail Bakhtin and 'work ethic' from a show at the Baltimore museum of art.
2. Don't do any personal art shows, but work in the studio every day for at least 2 hours.
3. Learn to listen for the upcoming collaborations, think about the concept of sharing skills and the creation and authenticity of trust.
4. Fail at least 5 times in creating something, which means, make the damn thing, and then talk yourself out of showing it, as opposed to talking yourself out of making it.
5. Make mock ups for locations for the guerrilla art project.
Things not on a to-do list that are upcoming (my 'would do' list):
a. taxes
b. artist webpages for: Wiley Macdowell, Mary Fortuna, Mario Moore and Andrew Thompsons
c. 'I don't believe in art, I believe in artists' show at Whitdel Arts in April
d. finish laser cut commission
For the sake of having a 'could do' list:
a. Find possible art shows for 2011 out of state
b. Find more people (interns?) to hand off my thedetroiter.com projects to
c. Fund raise for gradschool: make a series of postcards to sell? a book? posters/prints?
Past priorities from the last 4 months, how did I do?
Well... I lost where I put it, so... I guess I may have failed. I wrote it in September...
I think one of the propositions was to make 3 really large paintings... I may have failed at doing that one... oops.
If you would like to get postcard art from Hawaii, let me know.
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