ADHD Guide for/by Artists, Day 6

A personal example of time-blindness

(i apologize in advance for not typing out everything that will be in the images, i will get to it!)

I didn’t intend to actually put this online, since it was just the usual thought process that hit a dead end and was about to disappear into the ether. But i just wanted to see how long it would actually take to write every tangent, follow every lily pad hopping thought out in its entirety.

Everything below actually ran through my head at "regular speed”, so honestly I’d say it felt like 5-15 seconds of 'zoning out’? My brain probably did a lot of short-hand, but all the content really was there. I’m not elaborating, just transcribing. Once i could see it all written from afar, it was fascinating, and Rach said "oh my god, that's insane." so i'm glad i at least intuited that this might be an entertaining way to reveal my #neurodivergent mind at work for better or worse.

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[fantasy starts with me at a podium giving a lecture]

''hi my name is cedric tai and my talk is about the politics of ADHD, my art & disability (social) justice. If i could turn your attention to these diagrams... this is the clearest way i can explain my dilemma:''

• and then i remembered the advice someone said they got from their therapist, that they were tasked with doing 'nothing' since they already work so hard, 
• and then i remembered my therapist saying, your only job is to feel things, don't forget to feel sad, and then i remembered a friend saying that all of this work won't be for naught, even if it doesn't make sense right now,
• and then i remembered that my therapist said, what good is it to have something you're not doing?  
  
  so i stopped worrying about trying to worry on top of it all. 

i'm not quite sure what my transcribed daydream has to do with my adhd guide for/by artists, but i think it has to do with noticing my own thoughts, being more conscious of them, turning something mundane and vulnerable into the curiosity that it actually is. 

So, i guess, as long as i'm not using this post to avoid feeling feelings that are too painful to feel, then... whatever? This thought to be continued in the next post...

Quick note, friends have been talking about how we’re going to try checking in on each other more/better, so yeah, posting something everyday is rough, But thanks for checkin in!

Patreon.com/cedrictai