On a very fun roadtrip with Rach to test the idea of 'going to grad school, and after watching the lives of others as she drove, a peculiar thought struck me...
I'm no friend of discomfort but it's not my enemy either, nausea is what's the worst, and even then, without it we wouldn't be human if we weren't disgusted at some point by some thing.
Grad school doesn't scare me as much as not knowing who I'll be and if I'll live up to my own expectations of making work that is not necessarily revolutionary, but rather work that is not something I would have even recognized a year before, something personally new, (it's alright if it's nieve), but the feeling of risk should secretly pulse beneath the surface, which in the reality of the process ebbs and flows with each decision.
Also the film made me think about how directing works, how defiant I should feel when making my work and it also made me think that the lady in the movie had a
pretty staged suicide... But it didn't take away my enjoyment of thinking of the metaphor of movies as voyeurism, which is always fun to realize the moment you realize that every film that goes beyond just mere entertainment leaves small entrances
For those payig attention to the fabric/substrate of reality. I hope that idea gives me some momentum to figuring out how to talk about my upcoming solo show...
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